Fire

Saw dead limb into short logs.

Bandage left hand, sharpen saw and remind your self that It could have been worse

Carefully chop one short log into kindling.

Bandage left foot, repair boot, sharpen axe and remind your self that It could have been worse.

Very carefully shave one piece of kindling into slivers
.
Make small pyramid of all the slivers (include those embedded in your hand).

Apply a lit match to the pyramid.

Apply another lit match to the pyramid. (The greater the need for the fire, the more difficult it will be to light.)

Remember you enjoy camping and apply another lite match. (A fire will self-ignite if a cold salad is planned for supper).

Add kindling and gently blow into the base of the fire.

Stop coughing, dry your eyes and apply ointment to burn on nose.

Apologise to family and other campers who happened to be within earshot and assure them your remarks were not addressed to them personally.

When fire is burning, search for saw and/or axe and get more wood from wood sack. (The desire for a fire increases as the supply of wood decreases).

Upon discovering that the fire has gone out during your absence, soak wood with a can of lamp oil.

Treat face and arms for second degree burns and re label the can of lamp oil to read "Gasoline".

Assume an air of superiority and ask which of the family members watching noticed your deliberate mistakes.

After a sudden downpour of rain, repeat steps 1 to 18.

Observe the phenomena that:

No matter where you sit around the camp fire, you will always be directly in the path of the smoke.

When you move, the smoke will follow you.

The smoke will seek to reach the maximum number of people.

When you move far enough away that you cannot feel any heat from the fire, the smoke will rise straight up in the air.